Shocking Truths About Classical Music!
Did you know that as we age, we tend to go out and party less, sometimes even (get this!) staying home on Saturday nights? This was the "shocking, shocking" point of a brief piece in The Atlantic by social psychologist Heidi Grant Halvorson, PhD, one which almost made me choke on this morning's breakfast with its stunning revelations. What next, Dr. Halvorson? That your hair loses color and your skin sags when you get older?
And this was after reading a man-bites-hot-dog story in the New York Times about how the honor of throwing out the ceremonial first pitch at baseball games is now being doled out for purposes of marketing and commerce. Baseball clubs engaging in marketing and commerce? Oh, for the good old days of sports purity, such as....um...er...let me get back to you.
So, since I'll need to find a new occupation like journalism after I retire at year's end, I would do well to sharpen my skill for belaboring the obvious. And since classical music is my beat (pun perhaps intended), I'm preparing a list of stories I plan to submit to the leading journals of smart thought. Or perhaps, if they turn them down, toThe Onion. Here are a few of my headlines; please add yours to the list.
Classical Audience Aging and Shrinking, Study Finds
Poll: Dissonant, Hard-to-Follow Classical Pieces Audience Turn-off
Century-Old Classical Concert Routine No Fun, Say Younger Fans
Classical Musicians' Shocking Discovery: Expensive Training No Guarantee of Higher Pay
Classical Music Buffeted by Market Forces; Purists Long for Good Old Days
Future of Many American Orchestras Uncertain, According to Experts
Best Works by Great Composers in Excellent Performances Still Sound Best, Classical Presenters Find
Inside Scoop from Public Radio: Some Classical Announcers Have Too Much Time on Their Hands
And you know the funny part of those headlines (except the last)? In each case, you could find classical insiders who wouldn't find them as obvious as I found the two stories I led off with. So funny, in fact, it makes me cry.