A critical clam

From critic David Vernier's Classics Today review of Alison Balsom's "Seraph", a CD of 20th & 21st-century trumpet concertos:

"The trumpet is not a particularly ingratiating solo instrument in classical repertoire. For extended works, such as concertos, its sound can be fatiguing, owing to its innate acoustical properties, which derive from its small-bore, all-metal tubing, and from the inherent tension that defines the way the sound is produced--from the buzzing of the player's tightened lips. "

Now he tells us!  I mean, think of all the time and money we wasted by making the late, great trumpeter Maurice André one of the most popular and best-selling classical artists of all time.  Fortunately, André died on Saturday before he  could read how his career as a classical trumpet soloist had been in vain.  It's not too late, however, for Balsom, still in her early thirties, to give back all those undeserved awards, buy out her grossly excessive recording contract, and pursue some more ingratiating line of work.

And if you ask me, the term "small bore" fits certain clueless classical critics like...well, like a well-developed embouchure fits  a trumpet mouthpiece.  So, keep on buzzing, Ms. Balsom!  And as for you, Mr. Vernier, you have earned a nomination for my annual "Stupidest Thing Written About Classical Music This Year" contest.