Like all great traditional Boston foods — the Boston Cream Pie, Boston Baked Beans, the Chicago Pizza at the Pizzeria Uno near Fenway — the Glazed Donut Breakfast Sandwich is about to go national. Someday, Bostonians will talk about how they heard it play when it was just a cool, local sandwich.
Ian: I never realized how pointless bagels were before.
Miles: I like a breakfast that forces me to take a nap right after waking up.
Miles: I always wondered why Dunkin’ Donuts spells it “donut” instead of “doughnut.” But, looking at this, I see where they put all the extra “ugh.”
Ian: Yeah, I’m just going to abbreviate “donut” to “don’t.”
Miles: My mom always told me breakfast was the most important meal of the day. I think this pretty much proves her wrong.
Peter: This seems to be an attempt to combine the meal and dessert into one meal. All they need is to add the statin drugs, and you’re set.
Eva: Yeah, this makes up a complete breakfast. In that after you’ve eaten it, you’ve completed your lifetime quota of breakfasts.
Ian: Is it true there’s no “g” in “Dunkin'” because someone ate it?
Miles: This is my first step in my transition to an entirely glazed-based diet.
Peter: “One steak, please. Medium rare. Glazed.”
Ian: Thirteen doughnuts is called “Baker’s Dozen.” Thirteen of these is called “Euthanasia.”
[The verdict: Just as with Paula Deen’s Lady’s Brunch Burger, doughnuts prove a fantastic replacement for bread. It’s a great way for people who have a hard time choosing between an unhealthful breakfast and another unhealthful breakfast.]
Sandwich Monday is a satirical feature from the humorists at Wait Wait … Don’t Tell Me.