Lightning Fill In The Blank

Sep 9, 2017
Originally published on September 9, 2017 3:12 pm
Copyright 2017 NPR. To see more, visit http://www.npr.org/.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Now on to our final game, Lightning Fill In The Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which they answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as he or she can. Each correct answer now worth 2 points.

Bill, can you give us the scores?

BILL KURTIS: I sure can. P.J. and Tom have two apiece. Helen has four.

(APPLAUSE)

HELEN HONG: Wow.

SAGAL: Oh, my God. How is that even possible?

All right. We have flipped a coin. Tom has elected to go first, so here we go. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. On its way to Florida this week, Hurricane blank laid waste to the island of Barbuda.

TOM BODETT: Irma.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Monday, activists held Labor Day rallies calling for an increase in blank.

BODETT: The minimum wage.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Tuesday, an appeals court panel ruled that Texas can enforce its controversial blank ID law.

BODETT: The voter ID law.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A man in China faces up to six months in prison for drunk driving after police caught him blanking.

BODETT: Oh, drunk driving.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, specifically, what did they catch him doing?

BODETT: I haven't got a clue.

SAGAL: He was standing on the roof of his car operating the steering wheel through the sunroof using his feet...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: In what they're calling a reset, toy block maker blank announced an 8 percent cut in their workforce.

BODETT: Oh, Lego.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Of course. A potential terrorist planning an attack on Windsor Castle was foiled this week by blank.

BODETT: By the guys with the big hats.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: No, by his own GPS.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Apparently, this would-be terrorist wasn't entirely sure how to get to one of Britain's most famous landmarks. So he entered it into his GPS system only to have Google Maps take him to a pub called the Windsor Castle.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: He goes to the pub, realizes his mistake; he reroutes to the right place and was promptly arrested.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Oddly enough, the same thing happened to another terrorist planning an attack on Big Ben who wound up just enjoying the buffet at Britain's premier male strip club.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Tom do on our quiz?

BODETT: Just keep it to yourself.

(LAUGHTER)

KURTIS: He got four right - 8 more points. He's in the lead with 10.

SAGAL: All right. P.J., you're up next. Fill in the blank.

P J O'ROURKE: All righty.

SAGAL: In response to their ballistic missile tests, U.N. Ambassador Nikki Haley called for the strongest possible sanctions against blank.

O'ROURKE: North Korea.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Thursday, an Israeli airstrike allegedly hit a military base linked to chemical weapon production in blank.

O'ROURKE: Syria.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Monday, Cuba began the transition to end the blank family's six-decade leadership of that country.

O'ROURKE: Castro.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: The wife of one of Donald Trump's ethics attorneys was arrested outside of a Maryland prison for blanking.

O'ROURKE: Oh, let's hope...

(LAUGHTER)

O'ROURKE: ...That it was some really good blanking that she did.

(LAUGHTER)

O'ROURKE: Is it something we can talk about on the show?

SAGAL: I think I'm going to give it to you. She was having sex with an inmate.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

O'ROURKE: Yeah.

HONG: Wow.

SAGAL: In other news, it was revealed that Donald Trump has blank.

(LAUGHTER)

O'ROURKE: This great big, distended stomach and huge...

SAGAL: No.

O'ROURKE: ...Butt. Oh.

SAGAL: We found out that Donald Trump has an ethics attorney.

(LAUGHTER)

O'ROURKE: Much funnier than what I said.

SAGAL: This week, five nurses at a Denver hospital were suspended for checking out a patient while he was blank.

O'ROURKE: Going to the bathroom.

SAGAL: No, they checked him out while he was dead.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: According to a story that appeared in Denver local news, the five nurses unzipped the poor man's body bag so they could admire his endowment. A hospital spokesperson confirmed, quote, "multiple staff members viewed the man after he was deceased. And while we're not sure that this is the best time to be using the words staff or member, we can report the man is now in a grave 6 foot 10 inches deep."

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did P.J. do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Oh, P.J. got four right - 8 more points, total of 10. They're tied for the lead.

O'ROURKE: Oh, boy.

SAGAL: Congratulations, P.J.

O'ROURKE: Not for long, not for long.

SAGAL: All right, how many, then, does Helen need to win?

KURTIS: Three to tie, 4 to win.

SAGAL: OK. Helen, this is the game. Fill in the blank. On Wednesday, Facebook executives admitted that the company unknowingly sold ads to a troll farm based in blank.

HONG: Russia.

SAGAL: Right. This week it was revealed that the son of Philippine president, blank, had been linked to $125 million drug bust.

HONG: Duterte.

SAGAL: Yes. In order to lend his support to the peace deal between the government and FARC rebels, the pope arrived in blank on Wednesday.

HONG: Colombia.

SAGAL: Right. On Thursday, online retail giant blank announced plans for a second North American headquarters.

HONG: Amazon.

SAGAL: Right. A man in New Zealand who went to the police to report his car stolen was relieved to discover blank.

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

HONG: It wasn't stolen. It was still in his driveway.

SAGAL: No, his car wasn't stolen. He'd just gotten really drunk and sold it.

(LAUGHTER)

HONG: That's a high-functioning drunk.

SAGAL: It is.

(LAUGHTER)

HONG: That's a lot of steps to go through.

SAGAL: Guy goes to the police department. He says, well, my car was stolen when I was at the bar. So they launch an investigation. They found out that he'd sold it for $800. He was so drunk he didn't remember doing it. Now they've solved the mystery of his stolen car, the man is asking police for help discovering who broke into his house and left $800 worth of 7-Eleven burritos.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, did Helen do well enough to win?

KURTIS: She needed four. She got four right. Eight more points...

SAGAL: Hey.

HONG: Yay.

KURTIS: ...Total of 12. Helen's our winner.

(APPLAUSE)

HONG: Yay.

KURTIS: Congratulations. Way to go.

HONG: Thank you.

(APPLAUSE) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.