Limericks

Sep 30, 2017
Originally published on September 30, 2017 12:09 pm
Copyright 2017 NPR. To see more, visit http://www.npr.org/.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAITWAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the Contact Us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. There, you can find out about attending our weekly live shows back at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our upcoming shows in Minneapolis on Oct. 19 and 20 and in Seattle Nov. 30 and Dec. 1.

Hi, you are on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

JENNIFER LUBLIN: Hi, this is Jennifer Lublin from Maplewood, N.J.

SAGAL: Maplewood, N.J. That is not far from where I grew up. What do you - what do you do there?

LUBLIN: I'm an OB-GYN.

SAGAL: Really?

LUBLIN: Yes.

SAGAL: So you're actually increasing the number of New Jerseyans in this world?

LUBLIN: I am doing that.

SAGAL: I know.

LUBLIN: Not on my own but...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Jennifer, welcome to the show. Bill Kurtis is going to read for you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two limericks, you will be a winner. Ready to play?

LUBLIN: I am ready.

SAGAL: Here's your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: It's a topic that tends to perplex from a source that the teen mind respects. So Mom and Dad, please, no more birds and the bees. This app lets me learn about...

LUBLIN: Sex.

SAGAL: Sex. Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Sex.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Every parent dreads the moment they have to have the talk with their child, but thank God now there's an app for that.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It's called We'll Talk, and it answers questions about crushes and procreation in a teen-friendly way via text messages with, of course, emojis. So when a man loves a woman, eggplant, taco, baby, winky face.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Or - and this is great - this is great. You can even ask it about sensitive subjects like STDs - eggplant, peach, flames, crying face, doctor.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Very sad face.

(LAUGHTER)

MO ROCCA: Oh, right because the eggplant - now I've got it. Sorry.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: A seasonal flavor I'll dump in twice. Others powder, but spray I'll be pumping nice. From lattes and pies to hot dogs and fries, all foods can be flavored with...

LUBLIN: Spice.

SAGAL: What kind of spice? It's the fall.

ROCCA: This again.

LUBLIN: Pumpkin spice.

SAGAL: Pumpkin spice. Yes.

KURTIS: Yes, indeed.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Perhaps you're one of the many people who are frustrated that there aren't enough pumpkin spice things to eat or drink. Well, now you can solve that problem with the new pumpkin spice food spray. It costs $11, and you can make sure everything you put in your P. spice hole is...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Oh, prime rib. (Vocalizing).

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And, also, it's a very effective personal security tool. It's a little aerosol.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: If the city catch - if this catches on, cities will be filled with staggering, blinded, seasonally scented muggers.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: Our dairy fares worse than you think because teens don't like milk as a drink. It's too white and too flat. Here's some red dye, you brats. We've made our milk fizzy and...

ROCCA: Oh.

LUBLIN: Pink.

SAGAL: Yes, pink milk.

KURTIS: Pink.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

AMY DICKINSON: Fizzy?

(APPLAUSE)

KURTIS: Good for you.

SAGAL: Everybody knows that milk isn't cool. Like, gross, Mom. What am I, Amish? But...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: A pair of milk scientists in Germany have a plan to change this by making milk pink and bubbly.

DICKINSON: Oh, that sounds awful.

ROCCA: That sounds great.

SAGAL: Yes.

ROCCA: You're making sense.

(LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: And I once had a show on Animal Planet, and I can tell you that yaks naturally have pink milk.

DICKINSON: Oh, wow.

ROCCA: That's it.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Take that.

ALONZO BODDEN: So much for German scientists.

SAGAL: Yeah, take that German milk scientists. If this sounds tempting to you...

ROCCA: You could have just shaken a yak. Just saying.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Jennifer do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Jennifer got them all right. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.